Why are teens aggressive in relation to their loved ones and not only to them. Perhaps this is a protest against well-known rules and procedures established in our society. Or maybe this is a way to declare oneself as a self-sufficient and extraordinary person. There are many questions, but are there any answers to them?
Let's see what psychologists and educators think about this. What do they see the causes of teenage aggression.
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How can you understand that a child is already an adult? The size of clothes and shoes is approaching or already the same as that of dad and mom. Things and shoes are bought in accordance with fashion trends (gadgets, by the way, too), confidential conversations between a son or daughter and parents are often replaced by understatement, mutual reproaches and quarrels. Secrets are firmly settled in the children's room, where adults are allowed only by permission.
Why teens are aggressive - 7 main reasons
We are slowly reconstructing and often afraid to admit to ourselves that we need to change the style of communication with our grown up, but still beloved son and daughter. Often, in response to a harmless remark, one may encounter aggressive behavior of a grown child. In such cases, parents simply give up, and further aggravate the situation, not even really knowing the reasons for this behavior. Let's see why, from affectionate and obedient, cute girls and boys, suddenly aggressive “adult” children have grown up with their own world, which is so hard for us, mothers and fathers, to get into.
Attracting Parental Attention
- Agree that we are paying less attention to our child. The main concerns are to provide materially for our family, because requests are growing. And we are less and less interested in the emotional and mental state. And this is the beginning of conflict situations in the future.
- To attract our attention, a teenager begins to be rude. Rudeness immediately alarms, offends and forces, at last, to "wake up". Something is wrong. Sometimes boys and girls are simply embarrassed to talk about their problems, so they just start to behave aggressively: what if mom and dad themselves will understand what to hug, kiss, as before, and ask how the day went?
- Aggressive behavior can have both a pronounced form: rudeness, insults and demonstrative disobedience with slamming doors, and a latent form: isolation, truancy, bad habits and even suicide.
The boy and girl have not yet done anything important and significant in life, but they consider themselves adults. At this age, various behaviors are beginning to apply. Parents act as “voluntary listeners”. If everyone accepts at home, then you can behave this way with your peers. And if you do not pay attention, because in the family screaming, rudeness is the norm, then all the more so it should be so.
Copying adult behavior
- Remember that everything that happens at home will be unambiguously accepted by children as the main and only correct model of behavior in adulthood.
- If the family has violence, disrespect, physical punishments, insults, then do not be surprised then why a son or daughter mocks cats and dogs, then old people and weaker classmates. The process gradually gets out of parental control so much that often it ends with the police.
3. In fact, the adults are to blame, not their uncontrollable "tormentor" and "punishment." Instead of leaving their aggressive behavior behind the threshold and with all their might to maintain an atmosphere of care, love and attention in the house, mothers and fathers arrange a “debriefing” among themselves, and they will not spare the child. No arguments (fatigue, alcohol, cheating on her husband, lack of money) can not be justified. Adults must remember that they are responsible for the mental state of their child. Unhappy parents are unhappy children. This is an axiom.
At this age, there is a process of transformation from girls and boys to boys and girls. They are often ashamed for no reason, awkward, they still do not really know what to do with their "adulthood." Sudden changes in mood, then tears, then rudeness - this is normal. And you need to survive this, while remaining your dearest person, child, friend.
It’s hard, but there are ways: joint sports, creativity. Do not react so sharply to rudeness. Quietly explain why this offends others. Behave with dignity and often take an interest in the life of your offspring. Remember yourself in his years. Do not forget that most likely he already had his first love and the first serious experiences.
- If the family has extremes expressed in tyranny, or, conversely, in connivance and permissiveness, then the younger generation often then sees no boundaries in society. Or, escaping from under total control, begins to manifest his "I" in such a way that everyone knows and sees.
- In the case when the violence at home, including physical violence, the teenager, being for many years in fear, then searches for a weaker one and completely “transfers” the “tyrant - victim” behavior model.
- When everyone is allowed, but at the same time they forget to explain how to deal with people and how not, why you need to respect the elderly, not to offend the weak and animals, then, naturally, the child believes that everything is possible. Including taking away an old woman's pension, humiliating a classmate, rude to a teacher.
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The impact of TV and the Internet
Now there is a massive dominance of films and programs, computer games, which shows and demonstrates aggressive behavior, scenes of violence and cruelty.
- Browsing on the Internet, young people not only prepare for classes, but also uncontrollably watch movies, stories where aggression and physical violence are the norm. They perceive all this as the right action. There is still no wisdom and experience to distinguish between the emotional stress of a person and the sadism scene, for example.
- Various groups and communities on social networks can turn a good, smart and kind boy or girl into a real aggressive monster that can not only be rude, but also steal and beat. There are many methods to subordinate and process the fragile psyche of a teenager and make it “unrecognizable” for parents.
The search for boundaries
This process is quite natural. In adolescence, children learn to behave in society, so they experiment with what is possible and what is not. In fact, they do not want to be bad and rude, but simply try to show themselves in such a way, and what will follow.
If you stop the child in time and possibly have more than one conversation, he will not only stop behaving defiantly, but also begin to resist violence and learn to say no to drugs, cigarettes and alcohol.
5 smart ways to deal with teenage aggression
- Explain to your son or daughter that different emotions are normal. Anger and rage are also inherent in human nature. But why not beat a punching bag instead of screaming? There is not enough adrenaline - jump with a parachute, sign up with your child for dancing.
- Do not participate in the scandal. Either answer in a low voice, or ignore the scream. Having not received the desired "answer", the child will have to calm down, since sparring does not work.
- Come up with a word that would mean stopping. As soon as someone pronounces it, then the discussion ends. Just do not forget to yourself. If a teenager sees that you continue to educate him as a small one, then do not expect contact.
- Explain that for security reasons you should check at least occasionally gadgets. Speak openly, explain who the Satanists are, for example. Do not keep silent about these topics. If your son and daughter see that you care, and you ask them for permission, then trust will be restored. Do not try to quietly rummage through the child's phone and read messages.
- Sometimes do not forget to just go to school to find out not only about academic performance, but also to hear the opinion of teachers about the atmosphere in the classroom and the relationship of children. It may well be that you are not aware of anything.
What is female aggression and why does it arise
Any aggression is destructive behavior that contradicts generally accepted norms and rules of behavior, the main purpose of which is to cause harm (physical, mental, moral) to others.
Aggressive behavior is considered unusual for women; for many generations, female representatives had to demonstrate gentleness, kindness and non-conflict.
Frequent attacks of aggression in women in the modern world are considered the "result" of feminism, the "appropriation" of male behavior, but psychologists do not agree with this explanation. In their opinion, women’s aggression is provoked by a change in lifestyle, an increase in stressful situations and a rapid change in hormonal rhythms.
Aggression in response to numerous stimuli can be different - adequate to the stimulus and “targeted” or constant, negatively affecting the life of the woman and the people around her.
What can cause such behavior in women?
The causes of aggression in women can be different. Most often, the following factors are distinguished:
- Internal problems, dissatisfaction with oneself, life, and so on - it is internal discord that most often causes aggressive behavior in women. The inability to show your true emotions, the need to follow certain rules of behavior causes constant internal irritation, which requires a splash of negative emotions. A classic example is the aggression of a woman who returned from work, where she was unfairly blamed or scolded for something, when she came home she begins to scream at the children and curse with her husband.
- Excessive stresses — physical and mental — life rhythm too fast, constant overstrain and inability to rest leads to the inclusion of the body's “conservation” program, which includes, among other things, excessive aggressiveness.
- Neurological diseases - problems with behavior and emotions can be associated with diseases of the nervous system. Unmotivated aggression can be a symptom of such dangerous diseases as schizophrenia or paranoid syndrome.
- Endocrine disorders - often increased aggressiveness occurs due to diseases of the thyroid and parathyroid glands, pathology of the adrenal glands, ovaries and other glands.
- Hypovitaminosis - a lack of vitamin B, folic acid, magnesium, iodine and other trace elements can also lead to disruption in the functioning of the nervous system, including aggressiveness.
- Hormonal changes - pregnancy, premenstrual syndrome and menopause. Changes in behavior during this period are associated with an increase in the concentration of female sex hormones in the body.
- The use of alcohol and psychoactive substances is one of the most difficult and socially significant causes of female aggression. By abusing alcohol or drugs, a woman ceases to control herself, her main goal is the constant search for new doses, and any attempts to put this cause a strong surge of aggression, up to committing crimes.
Why are teens aggressive? The question, of course, is a complicated one, but, perhaps, after reading this article, the motives and reasons that provoke young, ordeal souls of our matured children to aggression have become more clear to you.
I would like to end this article with a few recommendations for parents.
- Although it is said that small children are small worries, and big ones are big problems, they can hardly exist at all if you are attentive to your sons and daughters.
- If you lack knowledge and feel that the situation is getting out of hand, then feel free to read useful literature and visit a psychologist. You must help your child become a worthy and happy person.
- Remember that only in tandem with your favorite clever girl - a son or a beautiful - daughter, you can overcome a difficult age. Despite everything, continue to give them your love.
I hope the article was useful to you. Write in the comments what you think about the topic of the article.
Good luck and patience!
Yours Tatyana Kemishis
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During pregnancy, a wide variety of changes occur in a woman's body. Aggression during pregnancy can be caused by a combination of a number of factors: social, psychological and physical.
Social and psychological factors can have a big impact on the development of female aggression. Unwanted pregnancy, difficult living conditions, insecurity, a negative attitude of others towards this condition - there can be many such factors, they negatively affect the state of the woman’s nervous system and can provoke aggression during pregnancy.
But the main reason for female aggression during pregnancy is hormonal changes. An increase in the level of progesterone, prolactin and estrogen during pregnancy leads to real emotional “rolls”, it is difficult for women to control their behavior, attacks of aggression can occur in response to any irritation or even for no apparent reason.
But, according to psychologists, hormonal changes alone do not explain the aggression of women during pregnancy, in the premenstrual period and in menopause. Hormonal imbalance can increase irritability and increase the level of aggressiveness, but it is not capable, by itself, of provoking aggression against relatives, spouse or children. Thus, previously hidden discontent, personality problems, or banal overwork and fear may manifest themselves.
When aggression becomes a problem
Female aggression, unlike male aggression, is rarely manifested by physical violence, destruction, socially dangerous or criminal acts. Usually aggression appears verbally - an annoyed woman swears and argues with others, shouts at children, her husband, relatives. Such behavior often seems understandable and somewhere even justified "the children do not obey," "the husband lingered," "the shop was naughty." But the negative emotions shown in this way have a destructive effect, they do not help get rid of internal problems or irritation, but only further provoke the emergence of such feelings. In addition, aggressive behavior in a family or relationship causes a large number of problems, which, in turn, become a source of aggression. Only by learning the methods of self-control and “splashing out” of negative emotions can we get rid of the familiar “aggressor” behavior pattern.
Such aggression in women is quite common and is not considered something “pathological”. From a social point of view, a much more dangerous state of aggression is during which a woman cannot control her actions and actions. This condition can occur due to a sharp change in the level of hormones in the blood during pregnancy and after childbirth, but more often indicates latent endocrine or neurological diseases. Aggressiveness can also be due to the use of alcohol or drug use.
How to get rid of aggression
It is quite difficult to get rid of aggression, especially if such behavior is familiar. The most important thing for a woman is not to learn to control her behavior and emotions (this usually comes down only to suppressing negative feelings, which only exacerbates the situation), but the ability to get rid of emerging emotions in a way convenient for both herself and others.
This can be helped by working with a psychotherapist who will tell you why aggression occurs at all and what underlying problems a woman tries to solve with her help, various methods of relaxing and ejecting negative emotions, as well as rest and reducing psychological and physical stress.